Usually “the most wonderful time of the year” but not in 2020

Here we are, in October. Usually the excitement of the upcoming holiday season has me planning out Xmas decorations, starting to plan out gifts and generally looking forward to my most favourite time of the year. But this is 2020 and I feel none of the usual joy. I feel stuck in a permanent state of waiting for things to get better, of feeling like this year is taking away. People keep saying this year isn’t cancelled just because of COVID-19, but to me it has been. My college classes all got moved online, my parents weren’t able to visit as scheduled (and are yet to reschedule their visit), my work shut down for almost 4 months, and the thing I look forward to most all summer; the Calgary Stampede, was cancelled. I don’t feel like I’ve had a summer this year as a result.

My question to myself now is how to turn things around so I at least get some joy out of this shit show of a year…? Travelling anywhere right now is out of the question, although I am still tempted to take the whole of December off and fly back to England to be with family for Xmas time, if money and the virus allows of course. This is where I am struggling the most – not being able to plan anything. I don’t want to plan as life is so unpredictable, but at the same tie I want something planned that I can look forward to. It’s a vicious cycle that I feel constantly trapped in.

I just have to suck it up right now and accept that life is even more unpredictable now than usual. I will think about how I want to decorate for Xmas this year that my pup won’t destroy within 30 minutes lol. I will dream of a far off time when I can get out and travel again, thinking of all the fun destinations I would like to go to. I will find things locally to do that don’t involve large crowds of people – new walking trails I can enjoy with my pupper would be a great place to start. Most importantly, I will acknowledge my feelings so they don’t try to take over my life as they do when I try to push them down. I’m not ashamed to admit that this has been an especially tough year mentally and it will take a while to recover from.